Love can never be forced.
She said that sometimes when we help, we yearn to get back something in return.
Yes, I never felt the kinda love before when she liked me. And when it's gone, i fear i'll never get it back ever again? For me, it's just so hard.
Our age gap of 5 could be the issue. No approval. Everyone's against us. But i still have hope. Hope for the future. I told myself, i'll do my bit to make her happy. We live our lives freely, under no control. But i hope one day, she'll notice that i have always been there for her.
I am not perfect, and i tend to make mistakes that are so costly. Mistakes are part and parcel of life. We get over it, but we learn from it as well...

I met Eliz from a cell group that combined with mine. I never knew i would have fallen for her in the first place. It was all so sudden for me as well. And especially to her when she feels that no one likes her or cared for her. It was probably at the first few stages that she was touched by how much i cared for her. And that could have led her to begin liking me.
Angeline even joked that last time, when i like someone, they don't like me in return. But this was different. And Eliz never knew this until she read this.
THIS: Because it has always been difficult for others to accept me, i was deeply moved when Eliz accepted me for who i am. We were not a coupled but we had strong feelings for each other. And I told myself that when someone likes me in return, i'll go all the way. Never wanting to break it. But looking at the situation now. It looks broken.
I'm deeply broken still...
Her mum doubts me just because of my age. I'm 5 years older than her and when i visit her for reasons and had no bad intentions. When other guys visit her, she's fine with it. It's kinda unfair i felt. But what can i do. Nothing. Does her friends visit her when she's sick? When she's sober? I only recall once that i called Audrey. Ask if she could pay Eliz a visit cos' she's not doing well in lately.
I never regretted loving Eliz so much. Cos it was the first time that i really cared for someone with all my heart.
Never. One minute, people encouraged me to be by her side make sure she's ok, and the moment that happens, they start to gossip around. What a world we live in. And it bothers me.
Sometimes, i feel that no matter how much advice you give Eliz, we all still need to understand that only she can make decisions for herself. I worry for her when her future bf sees her like that. And that would cause another heartbreak for her. I don't want to see that happen to Eliz, that's why i stayed firm. Unmovable. Cos in my heart, i know that I've been the only person to withstand her sorrows, and stubborness. And i have reason behind that. To be the person to make a difference in her life. Yet, i stumble. But i know i'm bound to make mistakes. I'm sorry Eliz. But i want you to know, I'm trying.

I'm trying, Eliz...