My presence in not what she wants. Hmm...
That sounds really harsh and heartbreaking. It is. No doubt.
When you try to be there for someone out of love and concern, you get told that "I don't need you..."
It never happened. But it might have just happened.
It's that desire in me to be that person she can really talk to and rely on. We used to have so much casual conversation and sometimes, really open up to each other. Now it's different. Whatever mistakes made, i've regretted. And i don't know if she's willing to make a bold move to trust me.
I admit that i am one of the problems she faces. I am. But can a problem be a solver? I mean, things have to be straighten out.
I don't know.
I'm sorry Eliz, i've gotten you into lots of trouble. Admit it. Like what Alwin said, you don't need me around. I've become a hazard in your life. Unwanted. People look at me like i'm the person who destroyed you.
It's all my fault. Don't dwell on it.

It's just that when your members talk to you. It happens to be that i'm the bad guy. I'm like any kinda bad guy. That they don't trust me around with you. They care for you Eliz. And they should. But whatever they say, is shows concern for you and hurting the person who have always been there for you. Backstabbing him. Asking you things and told you not to tell him. I'm made to be a vicious monster in their minds. 5 years gap between us just suit that description. And my past of wooing girls. They don't believe that i will stay on loving you consistently and not fooling around. For the past 4 months, i have not commited any of that.

And to sum it all. Eliz, listen to your members. Cos i'm all alone in this. Fighting to prove them wrong.
That is why, i fear that whoever speaks to you, will condemn me. And tell you stuff that makes me drown in sorrow. I believe as i type this, Alwin's talking to you.

What's the point, you won't listen to me anymore. That whatever spiritual things i share with you and encouragements i gave you are all passing wind. Theirs matters more to you. I'm being treated differently.