I don't know when it will end.
But i know it will... The secret's out. I can't blame her for that, since it was something i have been so cunningly used against her. Blackmailing... How the fuck can i be such a fucker. For months i've been doing that to her... Where is the love and care?

I've been really broken, unable to pick myself up again once she told me that she told the 'secret' out. It's not just a secret, but something that would determine where i'll be in the future. I regretted my actions. I regretted everything i did to ruin that so-called love i had for Eliz.

The signs are clear that i'm living life as if it's the last day for me. As the day looms near, i believe no one will ever see me again. Yes, i'm talking about suicide. How many times? I know, this time, it's going to happen.
Who needs me anyway? I mean nothing to her, can't blame her. I'm so useless. I tried to make amends but made things even worse.
My life is completely destroyed. Close to 90%. Vincent told me not to be so hard up on myself. How not to? I'm disappointed with myself for nothing i do ever comes out right...

I love Eliz. And I know, i still do. No matter what peole say about me for the actions i made, i know i'm wrong. I know i shouldn't have done those things to hurt her. I cared for as if she was the only person alive. But my care soon turned into control. All these things, it's pointless to say to her.
To tell her that I'm sorry from the very bottom of my heart. Cos nothing i say will ever change anything. My apologies are nothing to her no matter how much i meant it

I'm just a useless fucker... I don't deserve to live. I know, i don't.
Whoever read this, take good care of Eliz...

And with this, i close this blog.