I just sent my spiritual diary to Nicole.

It reminded me of the past few days on what I've been going through. And even mentioning that my close friendship with Eliz looks set to be done and dusted.
Fact is, I'm not happy about that. Maybe she is.

What she do not know, i guess i reveal it here.

I've been holding on to grudge for a while, she doesn't know. Maybe she does after yesterday sms argument until i used up my pre-paid.
I tried sending my message across to her, but i guess she didn't figure it out. Perhaps distracted by her cg members.

2 Sundays ago, despite the day ending well when i was with her, what happened in the afternoon, i felt i can never forgive them. So minor that it may seem, but it's still a test for me on how she regard me as a friend.
And it was silly to come to a conclusion needing the 'heads or tail coin game' to decide for her.
I don't blame eliz for that, she was stuck... she was confused.
She asked me to join her at the library so that she wouldn't be studying alone. And well, alright, i follow. I know she was serious about studying and I'm glad about that. SMS me to ask if Shanika could come... Erm... not for me to decide, but still i gave the green light, I don't see why I shouldn't.

We left for the library first, Shanika came later... Thought it was just her, but i was really dismayed when i saw the PG group came.
So it was a trick all along. And the fact that Eliz wanted to study, they wanted to drag her out. Kenneth even mentioned about going 'gai gai'. I have a very clear memory about that. Perhaps, that's the reason why I'm still hloding this close to my heart.

She said she studied there at a McDonald outlet. I trust that she studied, but how much more could she have studied if she was in the library? It's not the place that matters, it's the people around her.

Yesterday, she chose to go to RW for Shot To Fame. Saying that she's going to study as well... And in my heart, i really doubted that. So what if she brought her books! It's like saying is one thing, acting on it is another.

Yes, i wanted to ask her if she wants to go to the library and study. She said, I don't think so.
Sometimes, i wonder, why is she just ignoring the fact that I'm trying to help her? And even questioning me about her being my responsibility?

Will she come back home feeling satisfied with what she studied? The days before, she felt guilty. Yeah, she still chose to follow them the next day.
She don't want to go in N(A), neither do i want that to happen. But to be honest, I hope she knows what she wants.
In order to reach your goal and achieve better results, there's a need to sacrificing.

The sad thing about this is the fact that I care for her, and i can't be always saying things so nicely. I don't mean to be harsh or what, but she needs to really wake up... If she doesn't, she will end up where she wouldn't want to be.
And i don't think she cares or knows that no matter what, I'm still concern for her. I care for her like it's it's my responsibility.

On the other hand, I know what i could do at least was to pray for her... And I'm glad that i did. And will do consistantly.