many things been going on lately and slowly picking up...
I do not want to do things for my own benefits especially when it involves her...
I'm beginning to get worried that i can never pick myself up again if i fail... Failure to what? Winning her over... It's not easy to now that her feelings for me has fade... But i don't blame her for that. I just understood why, and well, i would like to explain. I shall not deny.

The first time being with her was totally spectacular. And i wish to hold her by my side as she's such a fragile person. But soon, i realised only way much later that my concern for her has become controlling. And i become such a loser being a desperate for her. It's only then i became a senstive person even though she's not somebody i can call 'mine'.
And i get affected by what others say... And for a thought, i know they care for her, only to hurt me by backstabbing me.
Just when i thought that i apologise to this member of hers, i never thought i would be stabbed in the back again. I'm grateful that her members do care for her... I wouldn't mind if their advice doesn't involve me being pointed out for my weakness... And it just pisses me off... Eliz still has alot of respect for her, but i don't. I'm sorry... I have enough of it with her. It's not easy to lay down my pride and apologise the last time if i ever made any misunderstandings, and this is what i get back... Backstabbed...

I do not really care what she thinks or say to eliz cos she BARELY know me and it's as if she thinks she knows... I don't know what she told eliz but i'm sure it's nothing good... Why don't let me do the job? Advices comes in handy, but at times, it's way too much to tolerate especially when the other person is trying to point out your weakness when i myself who is humble enough and would tell her...
And i know i did that before she could say anything to eliz... I felt like, "Can't she just keep her mouth shut and let me tell her, myself? I don't need anyone to give her any warning about my weakness, my past... It's not helpful. It just destroys everything. It destroys me! It brings confusion to her and makes me feel being condemned...

It's pointless to tell this person cos she has her own reason to protect Eliz. I appreciate that alot. Thanks. You can help and advice Eliz, but you don't have to destroy another person's strength. RESPECT. If you enjoy dragging me into your little advices and ignore about how i feel, i have to say that you do not repsect other people's privacy. You know who you are.

But well, Eliz tells me to 'relak relak' each time i tell her about this member of hers... And sometimes, i'm afraid that i'm being judge as the bad person... I hate it... PISS! PISS!

Haha!
Eliz told me about this girl in her class who dig nose all the time... Mother of hers always say that "She dig her nose to clean her nose inside..." Hahaha! Cannot stop laughing.. I mean, ok,.... it's natural to dig nose, but not all the time! Is it all the time that she digs her nose, Eliz?
So this dig nose girl, does art. It's one of her subjects in school. And how creative and cruel my mind can be... I thought of this.
In art, we use paint, markers, pencils, crayons... even computer for digital art... But for her, she's unique. She specialise in using her own creativity that comes from her nose. EEEW! Mucus, and those green or brown thing... Nose bleeding too, the blood as red... So here goes... Dig nose girl artwork is all about the ENVIRONMENT. Well, it's hard to find anyone who cares for the environment... But yeah... So it's all GREEN! And probably when her nose bleeds, out comes the colour of red and start to add an apple to the tree...
So random.... ZZZ!