I felt shattered...
I felt like a failure...
What is more than just loving her because she loved me back? I search... And i'm still searching.

I remember that moment when i told her about my operations. The scars on my stomach. For her to be able to accept me for who i am, it's kinda touching. I never thought a girl would expect to accept me not by looking at me outwardly.

I watch her cried the first time under our usual place near her place, and i was amazed that i was daring enough to lend her a shoulder to cry on. And as i watch her weep, i told myself, i can't watch her go on being like this. I told myself, "I don't want to break her heart." And in the end here i am, i failed. It hurts/

At first, when i first knew Eliz, i never thought that i would LOVE her so much. I thought that Eliz was never the girl i would fall for. But I knew it began when i told her on the phone conversation, "I think i like you..." I was shock i said that... The next day, i was heartless, i brushed it aside saying, "Guess it was rubbish..."
Only when i sent her home from Angeline's 21st b'day. I felt that if there's one person i could just look after, it was her. I had this confidence in me that i could win her over... I did. But we never admitted we were a couple.

I began winning her over... Her mistakes she made were brushed aside as i felt that i can't judge her for her mistakes. Cos i had this believe that we people make mistakes... She may be blur, confused, but i was glad, i was able to withstand it and continue loving her. People may mock at her in front of me, telling me that never pick a girl who's confused. But i stood by her side, cos i know that Eliz is special.
As i watch how people neglect her as she sink even deeper, i still stayed faithful.
Sidetrack for awhile. Speaking of faithfulness, no one expected me to stay faithful to my feelings for someone. I was that kinda flirtatious person, fooling around, picking randoms on social sites... I led a life that people hate to see... When Eliz came, it just stopped. Why of all people her?

I tried to avoid the 'resuer' part... but yeah, at times i felt that probably i'm just rescuing her from her saddness... It led me to this belief that i can make her happy at the end of everyday... I love her with all my heart, and i still do.

Eliz, when you're reading this. I want you to know that i never stop loving you. It's in me. We may face the difficult times right now... Things went wrong eliz.. Trust was broken... But i want you to know, I'm picking myself up. We may have enjoyed ourselves, but only to realise now that God was HARDLY in the picture. Where was God to bless us? We can't blame Him for we were caught in our own world that we neglected Him.

I try to find a thousand ways to tell you that I'm sincere about changing my attitude.
I hope that i will walk the right path. I hope, Eliz... that i can win you back again.

If anything happens to me Eliz, I want you to know, I love you with all my heart.