depressing

It's just so depressing. I've never been in such a stage before when you fear of losing that person you really love alot.
Hard times. Yesterday, i was really something difficult to handle. No joy, just sorrow. Many flashbacks of the times we spent together. It was all happiness, lots of crappy talks... Now, our conversations are stale.
I don't know what do. I shouldn't have lashed out at her when i sometimes seem like a brother to her. I was selfish and it was a sucidal thinking that destorys every inch of this relationship i have with Elizabeth.
I know she's confused. Not confused on whether we should be a couple. That's over. It's more of confused whether she wants to get back to where we left of. Those happy moments of our lives so far.
Yesterday, i went for service with W387 as i finished my duty at 10am in the morning. People are starting to wag their tongues pointin out that i delibrately want to go for service with W387 just because of Eliz. And i don't really care about this for only God knows what's in my heart and what are my thoughts.
My thoughts start to drift away the moment we glance at each other. I tried to say 'sorry' in the best way that i can to show her that i mean it. My feelings for her have grown stronger for the past 2 months and i don't want this happen.
After service, went to eat at the coffeeshop, and headed to Cathay to catch a movie with the cg. At first, when we started talking, i was hoping things were fine. But i felt like i was putting on a mask hiding my sorrow. I had to. I just had to.
I tried, to be who i am with her, but it's just so difficult. Is that fire in us extinguished.
Thanks to W387 for really showing your concern over what happened. You guys tried your best to make me smile. Especially Adrian and Audrey. Guess you guys have never seen me like that before. I miss my old self. But at the moment, it's hard to be that old Robin.
I am sinking further. And i hope this is my last resort to get things by, and move on.

Eliz, I'm living with so much regrets over that conversation that turn our relationship sour. "I will not hurt your feeling." I guess i knew i meant that, and not that i've forgotten. I've disappointed you Eliz. And it just sorrowful. (As i type this, i'm reminded of the times we spent together... Tears start to flow. Heart aches alot.)Remember how we began? When i started sending you home. Making sure you go home safe. During your holidays, we were together most of the time. Going through difficult times. The time i bought little Eeyore for you for Christmas. I saw the glee in your face. The joy in your face when you got Little Eeyore. I miss that. I want to pick things up again and never look back. But i need you as well.
The time you came home just to see me online and wish me "Happy New Year" on time. The time we spent at many spots in Singapore. :)
And this:

Eliz,