Haiz

Things may seem better at times, yet, miserable.
Despair still hovers, refusing to fade away...

Yesterday, the day started well... But from service onwards, it just go worse.
I couldn't help noticing Eliz, and this guy Don. The way Don hits her head playfully would be under the category of 'rough'.

And I try not to be protective as if she's my gf, but more of a friend. It's just distracting, and I feel the pinch whenever is see him hit her head.
I am emphasise that Eliz head is not a toy. I'm not thinking to much, but rather, trying to caution to her the possibility of negative results.

And I got a scolding from Nicole yesterday. For the attitude that i showed when I tried to get seats for the members.
And yes, I wasn't happy about it.

It led me to just walk away, and wander alone. Ys, i just feel troubled at the same time.
I headed to Orchard alone to grab the cd i ordered at Inokii. And just wandered around again...

I went home, sat down and talk to my dad... Usually when he's sleepy or drunk, he would want to talk serious stuff... most people talk rubbish when they are drunk though...
I got a better understanding how much my dad cared for my brother and I when we were young. As young and probably knowing nothing, we just say 'Orh' to whatever my mother says. Even when she when her words prtray my dad as a bad father. I could see how broken my dad was when my own brother rejected him as a father, thanks to my mother's nasty words.
Saying, "Your lao ba never give money...". It's only now that i understood why. My dad wasn't doing well at that time. Facing a crisis. Yet, my mother said he wasn't doing his job as a father.

Now, my dad's a bankrupt. Accumulating all the money given to my mom to support us, he wouldn't be where he is. And the fact that i know is the my mother didn't really support us with the money given to her by my dad. She used it for herself. Spending on stuff like Louis Vutton, trying to be like a rich tai tai.
My dad gave what he could, and when he couldn't, he reduced, yet my mum was angry.

My mother, i don't know if she treats me as a son, or treats me like a maid. I felt unfairly treated, even when i raised my hands to tell her that, i get a scolding.
I never had my say in the house when i lived with her. And i don't think i want to go back there, she doesn't want me in either.
When my brother left for UK, there was more than enough room for me to move back, cos the house in toa payoh is very crammed. My dad tried talking to her about me shifting back to her home, she replied, "No! Don't give me that shit!"

Oh well, now, as i type this, I have this burning hatred for my mother. But i kept thinking about the 5th commandment in 10 Commandments, "Honor your father and mother".
With God, nothing is impossible.

Haiz...