Today, I've been really busy. No one helped, all did alone by myself. I wanted to meet her as well... But I couldn't. I had tons of shitload to do in camp, and it's only right that i get it done before i call it a day... But i couldn't even without distractions...

I felt rather dejected. I couldn't meet her, and i know she was disappointed with me, i understand. I rushed and rushed through my work, constantly making mistakes.

In addition to that, i felt i was a major threat/distraction in her life. It hurts to say, "draw the line", but i insist this should be done. It's only right for her, and i ought to be watching her lead a happy life if that's what love is about.

I don't want to lose her as a friend. What's holding me back is probably because I've never loved someone that much, and i never had someone who liked me back in return. That's why, I kept holding on to her. But aren't i just being selfish by doing that?

Deep inside of me, I want her to go to church. To be what they call, Christ-liked. I miss the whole presence of God feeling, but i don't have any intentions to go back to church. Yet, I would encourage her to. Cos that's where her heart really is. Her members who are constantly by her side, there to make her feel comfortable.

I don't know whether I'm on the verge of just letting her go. It's probably what she always wanted me to do. And if I do, God knows that it would be the biggest sacrifice I've made.

I don't know how or what will become of me. All i know is that she loves me still, but not in a way that couples do. If we were made to be together, the time will come, or maybe not. Only God knows, only He can explain how mysterious love works...

I hope she'll still look up to me as a close friend. Even if she gets into a relationship, I will not just say, "fuck it..." and be a spoilt brat... I'll still be by her side.

*looks at the the neoprints we took, it just feels so painful...*